As I enter my 30′s I feel like a whole different person. Or maybe just a different version of myself. I like it. But it’s weird at the same time. I still FEEL so young, but now I know I’m not. Thats strange. But also, I think one of the hardest parts for me is the lost friendships. I feel like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. Especially ones you can truly identify with. And as much as I love Mike, I could use another outlet. : ) But at this time I don’t really have that.

Some of our closest friends are still in our lives but live so far away. So even though we talk frequently and maybe see each other a few times here and there. Its just not the same. I yearn for those times when we all lived near each other and hanging out was a weekly thing. These friends have been with us through many hardships and happy times and are also dear friends that keep us connected with God and I value that tremendously.

We’ve lost touch with other friends and that saddens me too. I’ve never been the best at keeping in touch with people so I could never put the blame on anyone for that. For some reason, I get anxiety about it which is so silly. But anyway, there are also friends we’ve lost and we don’t even know why. But I guess that’s life.

So now, in this new stage of my life as a mom and a thirtysomething……I pray for God to provide us with friends. True, Honest, Funny, Trustworthy, Loyal, & God-loving friends. We’ll see what he brings. : )

i could deal with rain and gray skies for a LOOOOOOng time. but needless to say we’re going to take advantage of some of these sunny days by going on some excursions while we are on vacation. so tomorrow we’re going to take JW to a little old town with a covered bridge and a river to play around and picnic…then in a few days we’re going to go to Yosemite. i really wanted to head up there this winter to see the glory in the snow, but it just didn’t happen. spring time will have to do. one of these years i am DETERMINED to make the attempt up half dome. but for this trip i’m just excited to take some great photos and enjoy nature with my boys.

then we head to LA for a great wedding party with all our old friends. mr. aaron underwood is finally getting married to his Miss Erin so we’ll enjoy the party in Laguna Beach canyon and laugh and drink and be amongst good life-long friends. it will be great.

so i’m just happy about vacation. i was at my breaking point with work. you know when you hit that point….where you just can’t go further and your day off finally comes to give you that fresh breath. thank god.

got JW some new shoes today. he’s already grown out of his first pair of converse. the new shoes look so big. i can’t believe how much he has grown in just 6 months. i sometimes just can’t handle the love i have for him. it’s unbelievable. i honestly cannot watch or hear anything related to children being harmed without breaking down in tears/sobs. i’m that mom. and i don’t mind.

at daycare this week he slept in a big boy (toddler) bed for the first time and with flying colors. they’re getting a baby next week so they had to transition him out of the playpen. i wasn’t ready for that…..another growing up/new phase in his life moment that caught me by surprise. then today mike was with him and noticed he looked like he was pooping. mike asked JW if he was pooping and he walked over to the bathroom and pointed at it. WHA!? He’s already beginning to show slight/tiny signs of being ready to potty train. again…not ready for this.

so on another topic that i find sensitive because i find no validation in my feelings on the topic – - – basically every friend/acquaintance i know that was pregnant at the same time i was is now pregnant with their second. and i doubt it’s any surprise to anyone that mike & i are not NOT trying to have our second. aka….we’re trying with no success so far (3+ months). i can’t explain how frustrated i am and annoyed. why i said i feel like my feelings are not valid is because i have so many friends that have struggled immensely with getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and getting to the point of adoption because they are unable to conceive. i should be grateful that i have the beautiful boy that i do and that God will bless our family with another if he so chooses and WHEN he so chooses. i am blessed to have not experienced a miscarriage or the complete inability to conceive. and for goodness sake’s we’ve only tried for 3 months. most people try for at least a year and still don’t get pregnant. i honestly have no patience. so i am telling myself to suck it up and be okay with it. and to remember to be grateful for what God has already given us. and i do……and i am….i am so very grateful.

for the first time in my adult life i truly feel the effects of our economic crisis and where our country is headed. i realized in talking with mike today that we would actually probably be (in some wack out way) better off financially if one of us didn’t work or if we both didn’t make very much money. because we are in the middle class….that nice little bracket that’s getting royally…..F-ED…….we got PLENTY of taxes taken out of our paychecks. enough that it bothered me. but was that enough……oh no! the state wants $771 dollars from me. and if we hadn’t have bought a house this year we MAYBE would have gotten $200 back thanks to our baby boy.

WHEREAS…..a co-worker of mine that’s a single mom (from 2 divorces) and makes what i used to make (since she took my position when i left), owns a ranch (from her divorce) and has her 24 yo living with her…..is getting a whopping $5,000+ back from federal and $2,000+ back from state. You’re kidding me right…….

I’m not saying that she wants to be where she is. But it makes me feel like ALL my money that i worked hard for that went to all those taxes is going to people who maybe made bad decisions in their life or maybe they don’t try very hard and stay on welfare and then get a big check at tax time.

I did what our parents told us to do. What society told us to do. Study, Graduate, Go to college and get a degree, get a good job, work hard, save money. And now look…..I did all that and i’m screwed. I feel like because i did the right thing and i happen to make a decent amount of money, enough to live on & not much more I am getting punished. mike said it’s all about…..spreading the wealth. well GOVERNMENT i think that’s crap!!!!!!

i think i have the complete capability of being totally downright EVIL.

like a total bitch.

and for a second i didn’t mind it.

Second pic…enjoying a coconut milk ice cream sandwich. Oh allergies…

Third pic…I think he was tired cause this is where I found him.

anywhozit…i was driving home from work today and then around town and heard this song twice:

Carry Out – Timbaland Ft. Justin Timberlake

i LOVE this song and dance in my car to it….so yummy. JT you never do me wrong.

there are songs that when i hear them i literally transport myself to a certain time/moment in my life. so much so that when i knew my dad was dying i refused to listen to music so that i wouldn’t emotionally connect to a song and then every time i heard it i would just want to bawl. it worked.

but this isn’t a sad post.

i love music. a lot. and so does my husband so we make for a great pair in that fashion. but…he’s a musician. i just dream to be. i do rock out on the drums on rock band which makes me FEEL like i could be a “real” drummer. **cough cough**

sometimes i wish i could really sing. i can kind of sing. but i want to really sing so then i could sing with mike and we could write songs together. that would be fun. he says we still can but i’m shy. so stupid.

anyway….i know i’m a mere 3 months from turning 30 (don’t mock me & my real simple mag reading self meg hebs) but i really try to stay “in the know” with music. so does mike (that’s my husband…just in case you didn’t know us and your reading this). but since we no longer live in LA it’s a little harder. the central valley is not one to breed great indie music. but that’s okay. we don’t have the best radio stations either….but that’s okay too. there’s this one “little radio station that could” that i’ve been proud of lately. B92.9 ….they used to be our “soft rock” station when they were B93. but now….the B92.9 has taken a turn to…..that’s right folks….some indie and some good old school rock (old school meaning 90′s grunge and my generation’s “growing up” on music). so i heard some great songs on the radio the other night when returning from work at 7pm (don’t ask) and thankfully i have an iPhone with the wonderful SHAZAM app and i was able to tag the songs to find out who they were. now….i had heard of one of these bands and i thought another sounded familiar. and i hate to say they’ve probably been out for awhile and all my LA peeps are probably like….OLD HAT STEPH! but whatever….

here’s my favs of late (which i blipped like crazy earlier (to twitter/facebook) from blip.fm…..go be a DJ for free its fun!):

Vampire Weekend – Ottoman (from Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist)

Gomez - Airstream Driver

Cage The Elephant – Back Against The Wall

and not so indie but always great:

Weezer – (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To

so to end this post this evening i pose a question or a potential fear of mine……

WHEN WILL WE BE TOO OLD TO BE IN THE KNOW?
WHEN WILL IT NO LONGER BE COOL TO KNOW THE CURRENT BANDS?
ARE WE ALREADY THERE?
I HOPE IT NEVER HAPPENS BUT MY BET IS ON 40-45.
SO I’VE GOT A DECADE OR TWO MAX.

LET’S DO THIS!!!!

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