watching life change

•May 7, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I recently turned 30 and although i don’t feel older per say….I recognize a beginning of a new time in my life. Starting a new decade must do this to people, right? Well, one of the things I have done is thought about the PAST decade….which feels like it went on for a lifetime. In my 20’s I went to college had 5 different boyfriends and graduated with a BA, got married to one of those 5, experienced the death of my father, separated from my husband for 1 yr, got back together, had a baby, bought a house, held 7 different jobs, made new friends, lost touch with some, traveled out of the country at least 7 times and transformed into a woman or what many might say… “grew up”. I feel like your life transforms so greatly in your 20’s that its almost indescribable. So I’m not even going to try.

As I enter my 30’s I feel like a whole different person. Or maybe just a different version of myself. I like it. But it’s weird at the same time. I still FEEL so young, but now I know I’m not. Thats strange. But also, I think one of the hardest parts for me is the lost friendships. I feel like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. Especially ones you can truly identify with. And as much as I love Mike, I could use another outlet. : ) But at this time I don’t really have that.

Some of our closest friends are still in our lives but live so far away. So even though we talk frequently and maybe see each other a few times here and there. Its just not the same. I yearn for those times when we all lived near each other and hanging out was a weekly thing. These friends have been with us through many hardships and happy times and are also dear friends that keep us connected with God and I value that tremendously.

We’ve lost touch with other friends and that saddens me too. I’ve never been the best at keeping in touch with people so I could never put the blame on anyone for that. For some reason, I get anxiety about it which is so silly. But anyway, there are also friends we’ve lost and we don’t even know why. But I guess that’s life.

So now, in this new stage of my life as a mom and a thirtysomething……I pray for God to provide us with friends. True, Honest, Funny, Trustworthy, Loyal, & God-loving friends. We’ll see what he brings. : )

hating the absence of winter…

•March 20, 2010 • 1 Comment

fall/winter are my favorite seasons and i literally go kicking and screaming into spring/summer. thank god i don’t live in so-cal anymore where i never really got to experience fall/winter. it’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be down there folks. just sayin’.

i could deal with rain and gray skies for a LOOOOOOng time. but needless to say we’re going to take advantage of some of these sunny days by going on some excursions while we are on vacation. so tomorrow we’re going to take JW to a little old town with a covered bridge and a river to play around and picnic…then in a few days we’re going to go to Yosemite. i really wanted to head up there this winter to see the glory in the snow, but it just didn’t happen. spring time will have to do. one of these years i am DETERMINED to make the attempt up half dome. but for this trip i’m just excited to take some great photos and enjoy nature with my boys.

then we head to LA for a great wedding party with all our old friends. mr. aaron underwood is finally getting married to his Miss Erin so we’ll enjoy the party in Laguna Beach canyon and laugh and drink and be amongst good life-long friends. it will be great.

so i’m just happy about vacation. i was at my breaking point with work. you know when you hit that point….where you just can’t go further and your day off finally comes to give you that fresh breath. thank god.

got JW some new shoes today. he’s already grown out of his first pair of converse. the new shoes look so big. i can’t believe how much he has grown in just 6 months. i sometimes just can’t handle the love i have for him. it’s unbelievable. i honestly cannot watch or hear anything related to children being harmed without breaking down in tears/sobs. i’m that mom. and i don’t mind.

at daycare this week he slept in a big boy (toddler) bed for the first time and with flying colors. they’re getting a baby next week so they had to transition him out of the playpen. i wasn’t ready for that…..another growing up/new phase in his life moment that caught me by surprise. then today mike was with him and noticed he looked like he was pooping. mike asked JW if he was pooping and he walked over to the bathroom and pointed at it. WHA!? He’s already beginning to show slight/tiny signs of being ready to potty train. again…not ready for this.

so on another topic that i find sensitive because i find no validation in my feelings on the topic – – – basically every friend/acquaintance i know that was pregnant at the same time i was is now pregnant with their second. and i doubt it’s any surprise to anyone that mike & i are not NOT trying to have our second. aka….we’re trying with no success so far (3+ months). i can’t explain how frustrated i am and annoyed. why i said i feel like my feelings are not valid is because i have so many friends that have struggled immensely with getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and getting to the point of adoption because they are unable to conceive. i should be grateful that i have the beautiful boy that i do and that God will bless our family with another if he so chooses and WHEN he so chooses. i am blessed to have not experienced a miscarriage or the complete inability to conceive. and for goodness sake’s we’ve only tried for 3 months. most people try for at least a year and still don’t get pregnant. i honestly have no patience. so i am telling myself to suck it up and be okay with it. and to remember to be grateful for what God has already given us. and i do……and i am….i am so very grateful.

the state of california

•March 1, 2010 • 1 Comment

is now my greatest enemy.

for the first time in my adult life i truly feel the effects of our economic crisis and where our country is headed. i realized in talking with mike today that we would actually probably be (in some wack out way) better off financially if one of us didn’t work or if we both didn’t make very much money. because we are in the middle class….that nice little bracket that’s getting royally…..F-ED…….we got PLENTY of taxes taken out of our paychecks. enough that it bothered me. but was that enough……oh no! the state wants $771 dollars from me. and if we hadn’t have bought a house this year we MAYBE would have gotten $200 back thanks to our baby boy.

WHEREAS…..a co-worker of mine that’s a single mom (from 2 divorces) and makes what i used to make (since she took my position when i left), owns a ranch (from her divorce) and has her 24 yo living with her…..is getting a whopping $5,000+ back from federal and $2,000+ back from state. You’re kidding me right…….

I’m not saying that she wants to be where she is. But it makes me feel like ALL my money that i worked hard for that went to all those taxes is going to people who maybe made bad decisions in their life or maybe they don’t try very hard and stay on welfare and then get a big check at tax time.

I did what our parents told us to do. What society told us to do. Study, Graduate, Go to college and get a degree, get a good job, work hard, save money. And now look…..I did all that and i’m screwed. I feel like because i did the right thing and i happen to make a decent amount of money, enough to live on & not much more I am getting punished. mike said it’s all about…..spreading the wealth. well GOVERNMENT i think that’s crap!!!!!!

evil-ness

•February 26, 2010 • 2 Comments

i just realized something today.

i think i have the complete capability of being totally downright EVIL.

like a total bitch.

and for a second i didn’t mind it.

Bruiser

•February 22, 2010 • 2 Comments

First pic…..This is what happens when my son spends the day with daddy…

Second pic…enjoying a coconut milk ice cream sandwich. Oh allergies…

Third pic…I think he was tired cause this is where I found him.

the worst

•February 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment

i am the worst at blogging frequently. i try, i do….but i do not succeed!

anywhozit…i was driving home from work today and then around town and heard this song twice:

Carry Out – Timbaland Ft. Justin Timberlake

i LOVE this song and dance in my car to it….so yummy. JT you never do me wrong.

baby boy

•January 27, 2010 • 1 Comment

i love him beyond words. here’s hoping for a second miracle & blessing….